On Being Loved

           I don't know what the Nepali word for "lucky" is. I've never been forced to learn it because everyone in Nepal seems to know the English translation. In the midst of a conversation completely in Nepali, one of my co-teachers might throw in the phrase "it's good luck" or "you are a lucky man" (man, woman - close enough).
        At first, I was extremely sick of people telling me how lucky I was. the Nepali's seemed to have a very different idea of what we ETAs were looking for in our experience here. It is assumed that we all wanted the western style houses with a spacious bedrooms, big schools with English speaking teachers, and as American-like of a lifestyle as we could find - when really, of course, most of us wanted the opposite. Most of us craved the small schools in remote areas, the rustic homestays with lifestyles as far from our own as we could get. And considering how challenging the huge class sizes have been at Shree Mahendra, I was sick and tired of being told I was lucky to have so many students.

             That being said, I of course agree with all those who tell me I am very lucky, in many ways and for  many reasons. And though I could spend years making lists of all these reasons, all these things that make my experience here, it is efficient to say that all these things boil down to one very important aspect: Here - in Das Kilo, Nepali with my Nepali family and cheerful teachers, wedged in the mountains amongst hundreds of rosy cheeked students - Here, I am extraordinarily loved.


          I feel it every day in the kisses and hugs from my sister, Sachina. In the way she falls into my arms for me to carry her around the house, in the way she grabs my hand to walk down the stairs in the morning, counting each step along the way, and in the way she whispers into my ear at dinner, prompting me to sing her favorite new English songs with her.


          I feel it in my house everyday greeting my mother in the morning and afternoon, in the way she will make me pasta for lunch every now and then, even when no one else in the house likes it, just because she knows it makes my day. I feel it in the way that my family laughs at little things I do, the way they teach me new words and new traditions, and in the way they are overwhelmingly protective over me. I feel it every night when I'm able to share everything about my students, the things that drive me crazy about the school and the things that I love, over card games with my sister-in-law.

           And even on the bad days, I feel it with my students, in the way they stand near so I can drape my arm around them or hold their hand. I know I'm loved when they smile each time I pass their classroom window and they break into shy smiles or enthusiastically call for me to come teach in their class.

 I feel it when the fifth graders come find me, just 20 minutes after finishing an hour of dance practice, asking to dance again. I feel it in the way my second graders blow kisses and shriek with joy whenever I walk into the classroom - despite the fact that I come at the same time every day. I feel it in the way my first graders, come to shake my hand every morning, greet me with their cute smiles, and ask if they will get to write again today (turns out they really like their activity books). I know I am loved because even after a rough week of me shouting "chup chup chup" (the Nepali equivalent of shut up) over a sea of voices, my students still run to give me hugs and enthusiastically wave goodbye when the period is over. I feel it in the smiles, in the laughter, in the greetings, in the goodbyes.

          So when I heard the word the other day over dinner at my principal's house, I didn't shy away from it. With the smell of spices in the background, my legs cross-legged beneath me to keep the mosquitoes from my feet, we discussed my work at the school. Of everyone, my principle has always been amazingly supportive and appreciative of what I'm doing at the school. He was glad to see I was happy and added "you are lucky." "You are very lucky, because, here, you are very loved." Between handfuls of dahl baht, I nodding in agreement. This time, I couldn't agree more.